Often enough we reach a point in life at which we feel “unhappy”. We need some kind ofd new direction and if we are unable to find it on our own, we seek advice from the outside. These days you could meet a motivational speaker at every corner and there are plenty of speeches and books out there to inspire you. I have been there, at times you really feel that they have a positive effect on you. But how long does it last? After a reasonable time, can you continue on your own without feeling the need to listen to them anymore? Because if you could not, in a way that becomes a religion. You receive instructions and try to obey them strictly in order for you to reach a steady “happiness”. Your spontaneous nature is reduced to minimum because you trust someone else more than yourself. The “fear” of making the wrong decision becomes real.
Motivational speakers take your Ego and flip it into the other direction. You go to them with a “low confidence” Ego and they start changing it into a “high confidence” Ego. “You could be better” – thats the foundation that they install. A foundation that heavily implies that there is something wrong with you! This idea should fuel your journey to happiness – that you are never good enough! Really?! If you choose to accept it than nothing would ever satisfy you in a full and real way. There would be always a next goal and the feel of need to chase it. It wont be a choise, it would be an obligation. Take for example Cristiano Ronaldo. He has reach every possible peak that a human being could dream to achieve and yet he always seems somehow discontented. He constanly seeks validations from other people. Why is that? Because of the idea “I want to be the best” – a “High confidence” Ego. There is one other human being in history that is considered “better” than him and he cant accept it, to a degree that makes him look bitter. He has “everything” and yet its never enough.
Just because you lost your path and made decisions that you are not happy with, doesnt make you broken or unworthy. Most of that comes from “false” ideas of Yourself. They are implanted from others (close people) and Society and they guided your life to the point of unhappiness. Motivational speakers .. not all but a lot of them, plant another “false” idea – that you should be the alfa omega wolf, the leader of the pack, that you should always be on watch and prove youself to others so that they cant be better than you and so on. Imagine this – we have a small group of 100 people. They were inspired from the same source that they should become “the best”. If everyone accepts the idea that means that only ONE of them would actually achieve it, only one of them would be happy to reach his goal. You could make an argument that the top 10 would still be on a high confidence because they see the peak and they could somehow reach it … but what about the other 90 that need to follow a goal that could be never achieved?! How is that productive?
To me, happiness is accepting yourself! You could be 140kg, “fat” and “ugly” with nobody wanting to do anything with you BUT .. you should accept it. It doesnt mean that you couldnt lose weight, find your people and change your life for good. You could still want those things but not on the account of “disliking” yourself. Imagine the journey from fat John Doe to fit John Doe. It could take 365 days – in 364 of those you dont want to be into your own skin and then bum, you hit the switch and suddenly you should accept yourself? Can you smoke cigarettes for 364 days and suddenly stop at day 365? You could but that wont come natural to you. And smoking is something “obvious”. The idea that we dont like ourselfs is deeply imprinted inside our subconscious. We dont see it like a pack of cigarettes so likely you dont know that it even exist, not to mention overcoming it. You are who you are at any given moment, if you accept yourself at your lowest point – that feel that you are a foreigner in your own skin, would go away. You are perfect!