Life is simple. Life is complex. Both are .. true BUT we tend to give the later a lot more weight thus our inner balance gets lost. It becomes harder to enjoy the “smaller” things – a tree, a bird, the weather, people around us. In order for us to be happy, things need to be ambitious, “bigger”, “prettier” and far away in the future while the years until then become just a mandatory inconvenience. All of that just to catch an idea. Does person “A” have the ability to experience more happiness than person “B”?! Society says “Yes”, the Universe says “No”! We are made even, no matter of social rank, love status or wealthiness – the amount of happiness that each of us is capable to experience its even, 10/10. A person could be enjoying his simple meal or could be misserable on a table full of food. What makes the difference? The way that we view the Present Moment. And what derails us from the capability of enjoying the later – the Mind and its constant bombardment of thoughts towards us.
Often you hear people saying something along the lines “You create your happiness, its mostly a mather of perspective”. Those words have merit, we often agree with them and yet their meaning doesn’t “reach us” deep down inside and we feel miserable. In a way that comes from the fact that we put society and its goals “for living and success” above Life and its “lack” of goals.
A simple example, from Society’s perspective your purpose is to climb the social ladder and have some kind of value in order for you to “fit in”. When you do not, Society finds a way to implant guilt inside you and make you feel distant and aliеnated until you make the necessary changes. You need to be like someone else! There is “right” and “wrong” for everything – beauty, behavior, thinking. From Life’s perspective your goal is to simply exist and be alive. You could be the “strong” lion or the weak “prey”, you could be the great inventor that helps human kind or some “low” life criminal that only destroys. Life doesn’t judge you because both ends of the Spectrum are needed for it to be real and sensible. You need to be YOU and only you because you are unique and bring something new. See the difference? Sometimes goals concur in both Life and Society, for example we need to learn to be adaptable. But is that enough to put your happiness into the hands of the lower tier, subjective creation of the human mind? Instead of Life, the thing that created both us and Society?
Society’s come and go, 200 years ago it was shameful just to see a women’s hand without a glove in public, today you could see a naked one around the corner and don’t bat an eye. How many 19th century women lost “their” path because of something so funny and stupid when you looked it from the 21th century eyes. Like the great Bruce Lee has said, you need to honestly express yourself at any given moment and by honest … without the confused mind sticking random thoughts inside your head. Sometimes you would fit in, sometimes you be an outsider and sometimes you would outstrip Society. In either case, you should be You and not someone else’s tamplate. By accepting that you are not the random strong and powerful image(the Alpha, the leader, the rich, the beautiful), it doesn’t mean that you are closing the door to be one. It only means that no mather what happens, you wont feel bad and unworthy, you would honestly experience your Life for what it is. Can you ask for more than that?
Imagine “Life” being a big, white, empty canvas. Each of us resembles a paint brush. By that, we are meant to leave a mark. It could be a gigantic one or a slim dot, both hold the same value. Imagine “Mona Lisa” without the small dots that filled her eyes?! There is no “right” or “wrong” collor. “Better” or “Worse”. “Good” or “Evil”. Each collor it’s there to be used – sometimes more often, sometimes less. Sometimes with a purpose, sometimes without. Its impossible to understand the “bigger” picture that we, as a unit, draw. So why worry about it? Thousands of brushes could be drawing the same things and you could be that ONE, that gives a new direction. Never forget that but also never grasp on the idea. Just draw whatever comes from inside you – it would never be a mistake.
This wont be a post about “how to be a good parent”. It would focus mostly at the matter mentioned inside the title. During their early years, children are “pure” and dont have the “adult” filter to disintegrate the world around them. They receive everything with an “open mind” and their view its widely open. The later is possible because they dont hold any major “fears” and the accompanying doubts.
Everytime a person creates a “fear”, a certain % of their consciousness is “appointed” to be on guard about that fear. Now part of your unconsciousness, that % always scans the world for signs of appearance by that fear. Lets say that you are afraid of bees. Compared to other people, you would be able to spot them earlier via smell, distant buzzing, recognizing their likely habitat and so on. If before that fear, you were experiencing the world with 100% free consciousness, after that it becomes 98%. 2% are now redirected onto the bee problem and you cant use them freely. In a perfect world, children start with 100% consciousness on their disposal.
When they begin to interact with other people and Society, they are exposed to Western thinking and its Ego. They begin to face difficult tasks named as “problems”. They are incited with a solve mechanism, which is – cut your wild open view of the world and create this small bubble so that you could enter it and think about the “problem”. One problem = one bubble, ten problems = ten bubbles. By jumping from one bubble to another, he has no capacity and time to view/enjoy the World. If he does it long enough, he becomes “addicted” onto the solving mechanism which sadly means, for the rest of his life. IMO a parents job should be to destroy those bubbles until their kid is big enough to do it on its own. By doing it, you protect him from overvaluing his “mind” as a problem solver.
Sadly, often enough parents are the ones that create those bubbles and chain their kids for their entire lifes. They do it unknowingly but that doesnt change the end result. For kids – parents are the most trustworthy beings in the whole world even more than themselfs. Its inprinted in their consciousness. Even if a kid has a really bad parent, by seeing other children with their families, the idea that he should be close with his father or mother its reinforced. When a father says to his child that “he is dumb”, the later may not like it, he may even rebel against it but there wont be a single thought “my father could be wrong”. He believes you 100%. Everything you say to him, he doesnt doubt it. Many people put their shortcomings, ambitions, unreal expectations onto their children. For every one leader and champion created in that enviroment, there are 50 other whom are tainted for life. Adults are full with bubbles from their childhoods. They dont know how to destroy them instead they cherish them in a masochistic relationship. Do not underestimate the things you say to your child, they receive them with their souls.
For those of you seen the movie, remember the wild and incredible worlds that people created in their dreams? Our memories from the past and thoughts about the future are basically the same, minus other people being able to enter them. Imagine that you have the power to go in some parallel dimension and draw the whole reality by your liking? In a way you become a god … but you are all alone. We may be able to “put” people in our thoughts, they may even have 99% physicall resemblance with those from our reality but bottom line – they would never be more than a souless dolls. They cant think, they cant behave on their own and there is never an unknown factor with them. They are just detailed pictures you draw with your brain. What makes us unique its the hidden energy we normaly call a “soul” and that you cant recreate via thinking.
What is the problem of being too often inside your memories or project illusions about the future? For starters, we create the laws of nature and there is nothing that can threaten us. We become comfortable and we begin to get used to it, to like it. Once we go back to our common, shared world there is a lot of unknown and unpredictability involved. When we face them, that often creates fear! Often instead of trying to overcome it, we tend to withdraw to our safe illusions. Why you should go speak to the girl that you like and face rejection, when you can recreate her in your own imagination?
I want to believe that a big part of Life is about sharing it with other people! The next time time you project inside the comfort of your own thoughts, ask yourself this:
Do I want to be the lonely God of an empty world?!
Whats the common between most gurues, geniues and people with the ability to “understand” life and spot its patterns. They can help anyone but themselfs. They could give tips for happiness but often end up being loners. Its like the Universe tells them “Fuck you, by tring to cheat and “know” things” your punnisment – not being able to experience life. To know the game means not being able to play it.
Ignorance is a bliss. I am not sure that you could find a more truer statement than this. Its not about being stupid or smart. Its about letting go of control and trust the game/the universe. You could still receive all that knowledge – not with your brain but with your gut. Its like accepting that you are in a river and trusting its flow. Not trying to use your mind to create a boat, to reach the shore or to change the direction. Your ability to connect to life decrease with the increase usage of the brain. Basically trading experience for analytical view of the world. I dont want to be that person. I am 29 and I am not happy with my life. Whats the point?! Its like knowing the ending of the movie that would come out in a year? I dont want to be a loner. I want to fell in love, create a family and experience it in the best possible way. Right now, I am with one foot a piece on the ground and in the clouds. I sure hope that there is still chance for me to neglect the brain and its thinking. I would “try” to return to my flow, wish me luck 🙂
A lot of people, including me, focus on the things that they “lack” or they dont possess. Often those are reasons that disturb our inner peace/harmony and derails us from our paths. Love, money, success, fame, respect, friends. The things that we all want! But what exactly gives them value? The probability of not having them! The gap between “I dont have” and “I have” its the thing that provides pleasure and quality. Once we realize that on a deeper level, our fears lose ground and even evaporate. Being lonely, its what makes “love” possible. They cant exist without each other. You could apply this logic for almost everything. For example, most people dont aknowledge their hearing because its considered as something “given”. But if they lose it for some reason, they immediately would realize its value. Life is not about one thing, one situation, one month, one person or one love … its about the wide variation of choices. About moving on and not being stagnant. So the next time when we dont “have” something, instead of being disappointed and losing our balance, we could see it as a potential to create a gap, to create value. As the great Alan Watts said “Life its like a dance. Its not about reaching from point “a” to point “b”. Its about experiencing the distance between them.”
Often enough we reach a point in life at which we feel “unhappy”. We need some kind ofd new direction and if we are unable to find it on our own, we seek advice from the outside. These days you could meet a motivational speaker at every corner and there are plenty of speeches and books out there to inspire you. I have been there, at times you really feel that they have a positive effect on you. But how long does it last? After a reasonable time, can you continue on your own without feeling the need to listen to them anymore? Because if you could not, in a way that becomes a religion. You receive instructions and try to obey them strictly in order for you to reach a steady “happiness”. Your spontaneous nature is reduced to minimum because you trust someone else more than yourself. The “fear” of making the wrong decision becomes real.
Motivational speakers take your Ego and flip it into the other direction. You go to them with a “low confidence” Ego and they start changing it into a “high confidence” Ego. “You could be better” – thats the foundation that they install. A foundation that heavily implies that there is something wrong with you! This idea should fuel your journey to happiness – that you are never good enough! Really?! If you choose to accept it than nothing would ever satisfy you in a full and real way. There would be always a next goal and the feel of need to chase it. It wont be a choise, it would be an obligation. Take for example Cristiano Ronaldo. He has reach every possible peak that a human being could dream to achieve and yet he always seems somehow discontented. He constanly seeks validations from other people. Why is that? Because of the idea “I want to be the best” – a “High confidence” Ego. There is one other human being in history that is considered “better” than him and he cant accept it, to a degree that makes him look bitter. He has “everything” and yet its never enough.
Just because you lost your path and made decisions that you are not happy with, doesnt make you broken or unworthy. Most of that comes from “false” ideas of Yourself. They are implanted from others (close people) and Society and they guided your life to the point of unhappiness. Motivational speakers .. not all but a lot of them, plant another “false” idea – that you should be the alfa omega wolf, the leader of the pack, that you should always be on watch and prove youself to others so that they cant be better than you and so on. Imagine this – we have a small group of 100 people. They were inspired from the same source that they should become “the best”. If everyone accepts the idea that means that only ONE of them would actually achieve it, only one of them would be happy to reach his goal. You could make an argument that the top 10 would still be on a high confidence because they see the peak and they could somehow reach it … but what about the other 90 that need to follow a goal that could be never achieved?! How is that productive?
To me, happiness is accepting yourself! You could be 140kg, “fat” and “ugly” with nobody wanting to do anything with you BUT .. you should accept it. It doesnt mean that you couldnt lose weight, find your people and change your life for good. You could still want those things but not on the account of “disliking” yourself. Imagine the journey from fat John Doe to fit John Doe. It could take 365 days – in 364 of those you dont want to be into your own skin and then bum, you hit the switch and suddenly you should accept yourself? Can you smoke cigarettes for 364 days and suddenly stop at day 365? You could but that wont come natural to you. And smoking is something “obvious”. The idea that we dont like ourselfs is deeply imprinted inside our subconscious. We dont see it like a pack of cigarettes so likely you dont know that it even exist, not to mention overcoming it. You are who you are at any given moment, if you accept yourself at your lowest point – that feel that you are a foreigner in your own skin, would go away. You are perfect!
A complaint often enough, its a “cheap”(easy) stand that the Ego tooks seeking validation while knowing that other people would likely agree with it. “The goverment is bla,bla”, “The weather is too hot/cold”, “That person didnt act correctly”, “I am so unlucky because of this, this and this” and so on. Basically by complaining, the Ego puts itself into a position of being “Right” and with that, it lives on via the confirmation from other people. “Yeah, John Doe is right and he has a point”. The better effect comes with someone nodding around and agreeing but if necessary, a “lonely” person could just “mumble” under their nose. Even if the complaint has some merit, I would ask you this: Why would you voluntary repeat something that brings you down? Would you say something ala “I am such a loser, I am so unlucky”?, If you had control over it … you would not! This is “the Ego” repeating one thing, as much as it can, in order for you to accept it and believe that its actually coming from you! Thus the Ego lives through you! Many times I have seen “unlucky” people finding and fueling each other with sad stories while receiving pleasure for meeting someone with a similar fate. Not every “sad” story comes from the Ego, some times people just want to share their experience. What makes it an ego driven: its the motivation behind it, the frequency of doing it and the feeling of satisfaction that comes with finding a public for the story.
How to stop? Life its imperfect and because of that, its possible and real. The mind brings on the “Self” concepts like “good” and “bad”. If we had control, we would likely choose only “good” things to happen to us and none of the “bad”. We would never lose anyone, would always be successful and so on. At the beginning this would bring enough pleasure for us to be happy BUT soon that would change. Everything ends the same way each time, you receiving the thing you want! Love and Success would lose their weight because of the lack of risk of not having them. Life simply becomes dull! Realize the idea that “Life” just happens.That you could never really brand something as “good” or “bad” because you could never trully know its effect on you. For example, a parent passes away. You were very close and thus brand it as “bad” thing. But what if he stayed alive for twenty more years, you took care for him for that period and suddenly Life passed you by. Which is better? You could never possibly know, so why live with the deception that you could?