Often you hear people saying something along the lines “You create your happiness, its mostly a mather of perspective”. Those words have merit, we often agree with them and yet their meaning doesn’t “reach us” deep down inside and we feel miserable. In a way that comes from the fact that we put society and its goals “for living and success” above Life and its “lack” of goals.
A simple example, from Society’s perspective your purpose is to climb the social ladder and have some kind of value in order for you to “fit in”. When you do not, Society finds a way to implant guilt inside you and make you feel distant and aliеnated until you make the necessary changes. You need to be like someone else! There is “right” and “wrong” for everything – beauty, behavior, thinking. From Life’s perspective your goal is to simply exist and be alive. You could be the “strong” lion or the weak “prey”, you could be the great inventor that helps human kind or some “low” life criminal that only destroys. Life doesn’t judge you because both ends of the Spectrum are needed for it to be real and sensible. You need to be YOU and only you because you are unique and bring something new. See the difference? Sometimes goals concur in both Life and Society, for example we need to learn to be adaptable. But is that enough to put your happiness into the hands of the lower tier, subjective creation of the human mind? Instead of Life, the thing that created both us and Society?
Society’s come and go, 200 years ago it was shameful just to see a women’s hand without a glove in public, today you could see a naked one around the corner and don’t bat an eye. How many 19th century women lost “their” path because of something so funny and stupid when you looked it from the 21th century eyes. Like the great Bruce Lee has said, you need to honestly express yourself at any given moment and by honest … without the confused mind sticking random thoughts inside your head. Sometimes you would fit in, sometimes you be an outsider and sometimes you would outstrip Society. In either case, you should be You and not someone else’s tamplate. By accepting that you are not the random strong and powerful image(the Alpha, the leader, the rich, the beautiful), it doesn’t mean that you are closing the door to be one. It only means that no mather what happens, you wont feel bad and unworthy, you would honestly experience your Life for what it is. Can you ask for more than that?
Imagine “Life” being a big, white, empty canvas. Each of us resembles a paint brush. By that, we are meant to leave a mark. It could be a gigantic one or a slim dot, both hold the same value. Imagine “Mona Lisa” without the small dots that filled her eyes?! There is no “right” or “wrong” collor. “Better” or “Worse”. “Good” or “Evil”. Each collor it’s there to be used – sometimes more often, sometimes less. Sometimes with a purpose, sometimes without. Its impossible to understand the “bigger” picture that we, as a unit, draw. So why worry about it? Thousands of brushes could be drawing the same things and you could be that ONE, that gives a new direction. Never forget that but also never grasp on the idea. Just draw whatever comes from inside you – it would never be a mistake.
I would like to share with you the signs that I spotted in others + those I felt while being under the control of the “Ego”:
- The overuse of humor. The person tries to be funny and original way too often, both to hide his own insecurity about being disliked and in order for the “Ego” to be recognised. The later is possible, because if you make someone laugh that often brings appreciation and positive energy for the Ego, “John Doe is one of the funniest guys that I know”. The problem is that “the Ego” doesnt know “balance” and when it needs to stop. You could be the most clever and humorous person but if you do it 90% of the time, its not funny anymore. Also the humor from Ego driven people doesnt come as natural because they are on a constant ” ready ” mode to spot an opportunity to “step up”. Those people doesnt actually listen you, they just use you and your talk for their own merits.
- Becoming a puppet. Once the Ego tooks control, a voice inside you starts to command you how to walk, talk, behave in the “right” way. A walk should come naturally and you shouldnt be aware of it. But if the “Ego” wants to look “confident” he would imprint inside you a “model” of walking. It would took it by copying a confident person or by reading a manual “be straight, walk slowly and so on”. Once imprinted, you Follow it while a “Big Brother” watches over you. Imagine every step you take being put under a review, imagine the constant doubt for YOU that comes with it. Its a literal Hell. The person senses that something is not right. The “Ego” opposes it it and claims that you didnt follow the manual and you should try harder. Meanwhile for other people, that person looks like a walking tree. Because nothing in his walk comes/seems and feel like a natural motion.
- You replace your face with a mask. In modern Cinema, often enough there are CGI Faces of real people imprinted over a character into the movie. Some of them are done really well, like 99% copies and yet you immediately spot that they are not real. Your unconscious sense that something is “Off” about them. Its absolutely the same when you meet an “Ego” person and you trust your senses. They wear this “friendly” face with uneasiness behind it. It seems stretched with hooks. This is all because the Ego doesnt understand how humans are created and how each part of us + our energy fields are all and the same. It threats the face as an alien object which is not connected with the rest of the body and because of it, it looks like a mask. The picture I put as cover for this post, its from the amazing show “The Last Airbender” . This lady portrayed a similar, brainwashed character which I found a good fit for an example.
- You become a victim, you are easily offended. The “Ego” wants you to believe that what you are the image of yourself, in other words YOU=Your Name. If you say that John Doe is a failure or Jane Smith is a whore, often people would be triggered at full max because of the simple fact that they identify themselfs with their name. They cant stand the idea that someone would talk “shit” about it. It doesnt matter how absurd its the claim – they feel it like an actual wound. A person could live his whole life feeling unhappy, for example constanly trying to please others. He does it because “his name” raises over the others “John Doe never let anyone down. He always kept his word and helped others”.
- You hate loud sounds. A loud sound is something that gets you out of your head and your thoughts. Have you ever walked on the street and suddenly you felt that instant rage for a second just because some car hitted its horn? It was because you were heavily inside your thoughts. That is why Buddhism have “singing bows” and althrough borrowed for the wrong reasons, Christianity has its “bells”. Once you accept that loud sounds are not your enemy, I assure you that your perception for them would totally change. And one day, when the neighbor hits the drill early in the morning, a smile would come onto your face .. an actual, real and happy smile.
For most people, “depression” is something that they should avoid at all cost. Its “bad” and unwanted. Its a sure sign that they are weak and that they cant handle life … that they are “failures”. Its no coincendence that we ignore facing it as long as possible. Here is a fun fact for you – there are plenty of people who “understand” death and are ready to face her BUT not once I have met a person who is “open” and ready to accept depression.
In the noisy Western World, its almost imposible to not have at least a small “Ego”. IMO, with social media around, it worsened a lot in the past years. If an “Ego” could be measured, for the majority of population it would be around “medium” to “large”. An “ego” is a mental projection of our physical Self, like an adopted brother. By accepting and nurturing it, we give it home. That home is our body and head. At first, we are the ones that have control and make decisions but with time that changes. “We” begin to crave fame and power, to seek validation and love, to be offended more easily. All that is where the “Ego” trives, where it is strong enough and naturaly it takes the lead and we step back. What “Depression” really is … a cry! A cry for help coming from deep down inside us. A cry from ” the Self” going against the “Ego” .Its the best sign that change is needed – a change of rule.
Like a tyrant who tries to deprive from credibility those that speak against him, the collective “ego” tooks measures . If “depression” was a person, we are made to believe that he is to be despised forever. But imagine if that assumption was somehow “wrong”. Like really wrong and unfair from our side. What if that person really just wanted to show us the truth, shake us really hard in order for us to see it? When his voice is too loud to ignore, the Ego makes the perfect chess move – a step backwards, so that it can avoid rebellion. A rebellion that leads towards suicide or “awakening” of the Self. Both cases resulting in dethroning the Ego! It gives some amount of power back, enough that we make some changes. Change of partner or a job .. or a “belief” system/religion. The later are like parties in politics, they could number 1000 and yet are being sponsored by one guardian – the “Ego”. No mather who you would choose, its an illusion of choise .. the ruler its one and the same.
What does “confidence” actually mean? Have you ever tracked it back to its roots? Most of us, never bother. We inherit its understanding from our surroundings a.k.a Western Society. Its inprinted inside us since an early age and the “feel” about it seems extremely natural to us to ever doubt it. We question its meaning, with the same likeness that we ask ourselfs “Why do I have two hands and not three?”.
For most people, confidence equals “feeling good”. Nothing wrong with that. But when we crushed it to smaller pieces, it becomes “to have some kind of an advantage over the rest, to be better than them”. We want to be more – beautiful, successful, fit, smarter, to have the best swag and so on, it could be anything. Once we choose, the mather becomes the center of our life. Its the very first thing we want for other people to see in us and the thing that we are most secure to be judged on. Let say someone choose “beauty”. His subconscious starts to compare him to other people. There are always areas that he would “lack” compared to the rest. Hypothetically those are the ones that lower his overal ranking which translates into those are the ones that stops him from “feeling good”. The mind begins to view them as “flaws”, they became his ill places. He co-exist with them as “something that he has to live with” but never accepts, often feeling shame. Once we putt too much weight on our “flaws” we become self-critical. The next and bigger scale, letting it “outside” – we see our flaws/fears in other people and we begin to critic them as well. All of this is subconscious, we do it while not understanding the process and our motivation behind it. We accept the idea that this is us. The real person steps back so that the “image”, created by the mind, could take over.
How could we escape the illusion named “confidence” and avoid being trapped inside it. If you read this, you already did – the hardest part is to know that it exist. Now you would begin to spot it with an increasing rate. Fight it but not with anger. Give it time and dont be hard on yourself, that slows the process. In the meantime, I could offer you a new take about “being confident” – be confident because you exist. Its a simple anchor but the most real one. If you accept it and eliminated the endless race with others, inner peace would come naturaly.
Motivated by its own agenda, the “Ego” aims to reduce the information coming from other senses. Instead, it provides us with its own cheaper coppies – “words”. Everything that doesnt include “thinking” we start to assume as unimportant, trivial and annoying. Give it enough time, most of our daily routines are branded as such. The “Ego” cant remove them completely, so it persuades us to either “speedrun” through them or not pay them much attention. A daily routine list:
- Fixing your bed, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, tying your shoes, covering the distance between home and work, fitness, dropping your kids at school and so on
How many of those you are perfoming without being annoyed? Without wanting to be somewhere else and doing something more “meaningful”? A lot of people “dream walk” through them. Their bodies are doing the physical exercise while their consciousness go on a “mind” tour full of thoughts. The later, often enough are deprived from any weight towards your life or any possibility for them to actually happen: ” What if my best friend, who is a gay, sleeps with my wife? “
The Ego’s strategy for cutting you from reality. It creates a “dream” as far into the future as possible – making a family, collecting a diploma, having an “X” amount of money and so on. It fools us that those “dreams” possess a great value. We neglect our present,daily lifes and instead concentrate on thoughts about “that” one special future moment. We are unhappy but dont know the reason about it. Something inside of us rebels through emotions but the mind cuts it with something along the lines – “When that future “X” moment arrives, everything will change and I would live differently and be happy”. And often enough that comforts us for a while. One day we reach that goal, that goal that filled our mind and life for years. Only to find out that it brings us a very slim pleasure. We are left empty, all those years we werent chasing the actual goal but an illusion. She fueled us for so long that we cant live without it anymore. In order to survive, we create another longterm future goal.
To see things clearly, its a lot more easier from the outside than from the inside. For example, when going through past memories people are often amazed how they behaved. Thats because they are outside the “bubble” of that particular situation and there are no emotions/quick thinking involved. The same is with our love lifes, when you see other couples fighting often you think “how could they fight for such a trivial thing” and yet when you are the involved party probably you do the same.
Going against your brain dominant reality happens from the inside. Once you are addicted on the “thinking” drug you wont be able to escape just by waiting it to pass by. That bubble is gigantic and would never let you go or pop up on its own. You have to fight it while its effects are disturbing and enslaving you. Its like changing your clothes while driving with 100 km/h, step by step. For that to happen, you need to start creating tiny moments in your everyday life when you are “awake” and “aware” of the drug and your fight against it. When those happen you actively try to shut all thoughts coming in your head by either cutting them down completely or by saying that they are not “real” and are not coming from “YOU”. It would difficult at first but dont be hard on yourself just keep pushing it and the moments would grew larger. Remember the voice that critisize you “You cant do that because you are weak” its the voice of the thing you are trying to fight off. Just “think” about that, why would YOU critisize yourself voluntery? Its simple, you dont because the voice saying that its not coming from you. There is even a better strategy to try concentrating on your other senses like hearing, touching, speaking, seeing and by increasing their usage, you decrease the usage of the “thinking” brain but that is a story for another day.
IMO a great way to create those moments is when we sneeze. No mather what you are doing at the moment of sneezing, its stops. Just like a computer, out system shuts down and reboots for seconds. I was peeing few times when the sneeze came by and there is no fighting it 🙂 But with the sneeze comes an opportunity – the brain and the thoughts shuts down as well. You are in peace even just for a second. So when the sneeze happens, dont try to grab it but rather be aware of it and create that “moment” without being afraid of losing you. The thoughts would pop up almost immediately but dont give them attention instead focus on the breeze in your face, the moving leaves on the trea, the sun on your skin or the sound from the passing cars.
Cold showers are vital in your pursuit of regaining touch with life. And when I mean vital, If I was a religious clerk selling the idea about bathing with cold water, I would have shouted “Hallelujah” ten times in a row. They give you an instant effect, either if you are in a heavily deppresed shape with “bad” thoughts constanly bombarding you or used as a daily strategy to gain new ground step by step.
Once the cold water hits you, the brain automatically “shuts up” because the body is shocked and other senses are highlighted. If you have never done them before, the idea would seem “scarry” but that information comes from the same source you are going against toe to toe. Think about this: the most quitting and scariest moment about the whole process, its just about when you are under the shower, turning the blue faucet on. Cold water has not come out yet, your body hasnt felt anything and yet the fear is real. ITS ALL THOUGHTS. I am not saying that you should be head diving everytime you get this feeling of doubt about doing something but in this particular case, you should ignore it. If you do it, thats like a small win against the brain and his rule over you.
Once under the water, you could “see” your energetic body. Its like your physical one but in terms of the energy that flows through you. Imagine a clogged sewer. When we have unresolved issues in our lifes, the type we are afraid thinking about and that come hunting us back, they bring a sort of an energetic mud. At some point, the mud becomes too much and begins to jam the paths which eventually would lead to a “block”. A spot where the energy could hardly flow and in result the same spot in the physical body “tightens up”. With the cold water effect, those “blocks” are also highlighed and now by knowing that they exit, you could easily sense them. If someone has multiple blocks it goes to an even bigger scale – your belly starts to collect energetic mud from all those places. This is a serious sign for deeper problems which makes the connection between you and your body more and more foreign a.k.a feeling an outsider in your own body. So the cold comes pouring over you, if your paths are clean enough – your body would receive an impusle of energy and strength and you would have this feel of full control over your body. If the paths are really jammed – you would shrink towards you belly and would sense a feel like there is a ball inside you .. a ball of energetic mud.
A personal tip – when you are under the shower and the body starts shaking, visualise how all the energy/anger/doubt under you control flows toward your forehead and the spot between your eyes. Do it often enough and maybe there is a gift awaiting you there.
In order to reduce your brain-dominant reality, you should reduce your inner dialogue and increase communications with other people WHILE being conscious about it. Preferably using the outside world and not via social media.
Most people talk to themselfs a lot. Ironically contrarary on popular belief that it would make you “crazy”, its better to do it out loud and not inside your head. The first option includes more senses (talking, listening) which increases chances to remain mentally aware. If you talk with the mind – inside your head and using thoughts, you are using “only” the brain in terms of senses. You give away power to a tool that could easily abuse it. Do it often enough and the mind creates the Ego, your double ganger.Most people think that I am =/equals brain ” but THIS IS NOT TRUE, not even 1%.
When you have a reason for major “thinking”, try to share it with someone else. A simple example – there was a girl that I liked and at one point there were hundreds of thoughts ala “what this means, did I say something wrong, does she mean that or this” and all this repeating n-times for days. I get to talk to a friend, ten sentences later he tolds me his personal opinion and bam! Its all simple and clear. Days and weeks of “self -thinking” overwhelmed by a short dialogue with other human being! By being in our own bubble, we tend to “complicate” things involving us. Life is about interacting with other people and its no coincendence that “brain-dominant” people preffer to be alone.
It would be hard at first BUT try increasing the volume of talking to other. Slow the process. The brain wants to do things fast so that it can get on the next thing, to be productive. Take extra seconds for pauses. It would feel uncomfortable, as something bugging you inside to rush and change direction. Try overcoming it and few days later, that feeling would change. Find the acceptable line for disturbing other people, they sometimes cant give you their attention or simply doesnt want to. Fight your own uneasiness but dont force it on other people.