Whats the common between most gurues, geniues and people with the ability to “understand” life and spot its patterns. They can help anyone but themselfs. They could give tips for happiness but often end up being loners. Its like the Universe tells them “Fuck you, by tring to cheat and “know” things” your punnisment – not being able to experience life. To know the game means not being able to play it.
Ignorance is a bliss. I am not sure that you could find a more truer statement than this. Its not about being stupid or smart. Its about letting go of control and trust the game/the universe. You could still receive all that knowledge – not with your brain but with your gut. Its like accepting that you are in a river and trusting its flow. Not trying to use your mind to create a boat, to reach the shore or to change the direction. Your ability to connect to life decrease with the increase usage of the brain. Basically trading experience for analytical view of the world. I dont want to be that person. I am 29 and I am not happy with my life. Whats the point?! Its like knowing the ending of the movie that would come out in a year? I dont want to be a loner. I want to fell in love, create a family and experience it in the best possible way. Right now, I am with one foot a piece on the ground and in the clouds. I sure hope that there is still chance for me to neglect the brain and its thinking. I would “try” to return to my flow, wish me luck 🙂
Often enough we reach a point in life at which we feel “unhappy”. We need some kind ofd new direction and if we are unable to find it on our own, we seek advice from the outside. These days you could meet a motivational speaker at every corner and there are plenty of speeches and books out there to inspire you. I have been there, at times you really feel that they have a positive effect on you. But how long does it last? After a reasonable time, can you continue on your own without feeling the need to listen to them anymore? Because if you could not, in a way that becomes a religion. You receive instructions and try to obey them strictly in order for you to reach a steady “happiness”. Your spontaneous nature is reduced to minimum because you trust someone else more than yourself. The “fear” of making the wrong decision becomes real.
Motivational speakers take your Ego and flip it into the other direction. You go to them with a “low confidence” Ego and they start changing it into a “high confidence” Ego. “You could be better” – thats the foundation that they install. A foundation that heavily implies that there is something wrong with you! This idea should fuel your journey to happiness – that you are never good enough! Really?! If you choose to accept it than nothing would ever satisfy you in a full and real way. There would be always a next goal and the feel of need to chase it. It wont be a choise, it would be an obligation. Take for example Cristiano Ronaldo. He has reach every possible peak that a human being could dream to achieve and yet he always seems somehow discontented. He constanly seeks validations from other people. Why is that? Because of the idea “I want to be the best” – a “High confidence” Ego. There is one other human being in history that is considered “better” than him and he cant accept it, to a degree that makes him look bitter. He has “everything” and yet its never enough.
Just because you lost your path and made decisions that you are not happy with, doesnt make you broken or unworthy. Most of that comes from “false” ideas of Yourself. They are implanted from others (close people) and Society and they guided your life to the point of unhappiness. Motivational speakers .. not all but a lot of them, plant another “false” idea – that you should be the alfa omega wolf, the leader of the pack, that you should always be on watch and prove youself to others so that they cant be better than you and so on. Imagine this – we have a small group of 100 people. They were inspired from the same source that they should become “the best”. If everyone accepts the idea that means that only ONE of them would actually achieve it, only one of them would be happy to reach his goal. You could make an argument that the top 10 would still be on a high confidence because they see the peak and they could somehow reach it … but what about the other 90 that need to follow a goal that could be never achieved?! How is that productive?
To me, happiness is accepting yourself! You could be 140kg, “fat” and “ugly” with nobody wanting to do anything with you BUT .. you should accept it. It doesnt mean that you couldnt lose weight, find your people and change your life for good. You could still want those things but not on the account of “disliking” yourself. Imagine the journey from fat John Doe to fit John Doe. It could take 365 days – in 364 of those you dont want to be into your own skin and then bum, you hit the switch and suddenly you should accept yourself? Can you smoke cigarettes for 364 days and suddenly stop at day 365? You could but that wont come natural to you. And smoking is something “obvious”. The idea that we dont like ourselfs is deeply imprinted inside our subconscious. We dont see it like a pack of cigarettes so likely you dont know that it even exist, not to mention overcoming it. You are who you are at any given moment, if you accept yourself at your lowest point – that feel that you are a foreigner in your own skin, would go away. You are perfect!
I would like to share with you the signs that I spotted in others + those I felt while being under the control of the “Ego”:
- The overuse of humor. The person tries to be funny and original way too often, both to hide his own insecurity about being disliked and in order for the “Ego” to be recognised. The later is possible, because if you make someone laugh that often brings appreciation and positive energy for the Ego, “John Doe is one of the funniest guys that I know”. The problem is that “the Ego” doesnt know “balance” and when it needs to stop. You could be the most clever and humorous person but if you do it 90% of the time, its not funny anymore. Also the humor from Ego driven people doesnt come as natural because they are on a constant ” ready ” mode to spot an opportunity to “step up”. Those people doesnt actually listen you, they just use you and your talk for their own merits.
- Becoming a puppet. Once the Ego tooks control, a voice inside you starts to command you how to walk, talk, behave in the “right” way. A walk should come naturally and you shouldnt be aware of it. But if the “Ego” wants to look “confident” he would imprint inside you a “model” of walking. It would took it by copying a confident person or by reading a manual “be straight, walk slowly and so on”. Once imprinted, you Follow it while a “Big Brother” watches over you. Imagine every step you take being put under a review, imagine the constant doubt for YOU that comes with it. Its a literal Hell. The person senses that something is not right. The “Ego” opposes it it and claims that you didnt follow the manual and you should try harder. Meanwhile for other people, that person looks like a walking tree. Because nothing in his walk comes/seems and feel like a natural motion.
- You replace your face with a mask. In modern Cinema, often enough there are CGI Faces of real people imprinted over a character into the movie. Some of them are done really well, like 99% copies and yet you immediately spot that they are not real. Your unconscious sense that something is “Off” about them. Its absolutely the same when you meet an “Ego” person and you trust your senses. They wear this “friendly” face with uneasiness behind it. It seems stretched with hooks. This is all because the Ego doesnt understand how humans are created and how each part of us + our energy fields are all and the same. It threats the face as an alien object which is not connected with the rest of the body and because of it, it looks like a mask. The picture I put as cover for this post, its from the amazing show “The Last Airbender” . This lady portrayed a similar, brainwashed character which I found a good fit for an example.
- You become a victim, you are easily offended. The “Ego” wants you to believe that what you are the image of yourself, in other words YOU=Your Name. If you say that John Doe is a failure or Jane Smith is a whore, often people would be triggered at full max because of the simple fact that they identify themselfs with their name. They cant stand the idea that someone would talk “shit” about it. It doesnt matter how absurd its the claim – they feel it like an actual wound. A person could live his whole life feeling unhappy, for example constanly trying to please others. He does it because “his name” raises over the others “John Doe never let anyone down. He always kept his word and helped others”.
- You hate loud sounds. A loud sound is something that gets you out of your head and your thoughts. Have you ever walked on the street and suddenly you felt that instant rage for a second just because some car hitted its horn? It was because you were heavily inside your thoughts. That is why Buddhism have “singing bows” and althrough borrowed for the wrong reasons, Christianity has its “bells”. Once you accept that loud sounds are not your enemy, I assure you that your perception for them would totally change. And one day, when the neighbor hits the drill early in the morning, a smile would come onto your face .. an actual, real and happy smile.
This wont be a post about “how to be a good parent”. It would focus mostly at the matter mentioned inside the title. During their early years, children are “pure” and dont have the “adult” filter to disintegrate the world around them. They receive everything with an “open mind” and their view its widely open. The later is possible because they dont hold any major “fears” and the accompanying doubts.
Everytime a person creates a “fear”, a certain % of their consciousness is “appointed” to be on guard about that fear. Now part of your unconsciousness, that % always scans the world for signs of appearance by that fear. Lets say that you are afraid of bees. Compared to other people, you would be able to spot them earlier via smell, distant buzzing, recognizing their likely habitat and so on. If before that fear, you were experiencing the world with 100% free consciousness, after that it becomes 98%. 2% are now redirected onto the bee problem and you cant use them freely. In a perfect world, children start with 100% consciousness on their disposal.
When they begin to interact with other people and Society, they are exposed to Western thinking and its Ego. They begin to face difficult tasks named as “problems”. They are incited with a solve mechanism, which is – cut your wild open view of the world and create this small bubble so that you could enter it and think about the “problem”. One problem = one bubble, ten problems = ten bubbles. By jumping from one bubble to another, he has no capacity and time to view/enjoy the World. If he does it long enough, he becomes “addicted” onto the solving mechanism which sadly means, for the rest of his life. IMO a parents job should be to destroy those bubbles until their kid is big enough to do it on its own. By doing it, you protect him from overvaluing his “mind” as a problem solver.
Sadly, often enough parents are the ones that create those bubbles and chain their kids for their entire lifes. They do it unknowingly but that doesnt change the end result. For kids – parents are the most trustworthy beings in the whole world even more than themselfs. Its inprinted in their consciousness. Even if a kid has a really bad parent, by seeing other children with their families, the idea that he should be close with his father or mother its reinforced. When a father says to his child that “he is dumb”, the later may not like it, he may even rebel against it but there wont be a single thought “my father could be wrong”. He believes you 100%. Everything you say to him, he doesnt doubt it. Many people put their shortcomings, ambitions, unreal expectations onto their children. For every one leader and champion created in that enviroment, there are 50 other whom are tainted for life. Adults are full with bubbles from their childhoods. They dont know how to destroy them instead they cherish them in a masochistic relationship. Do not underestimate the things you say to your child, they receive them with their souls.
For most people, “depression” is something that they should avoid at all cost. Its “bad” and unwanted. Its a sure sign that they are weak and that they cant handle life … that they are “failures”. Its no coincendence that we ignore facing it as long as possible. Here is a fun fact for you – there are plenty of people who “understand” death and are ready to face her BUT not once I have met a person who is “open” and ready to accept depression.
In the noisy Western World, its almost imposible to not have at least a small “Ego”. IMO, with social media around, it worsened a lot in the past years. If an “Ego” could be measured, for the majority of population it would be around “medium” to “large”. An “ego” is a mental projection of our physical Self, like an adopted brother. By accepting and nurturing it, we give it home. That home is our body and head. At first, we are the ones that have control and make decisions but with time that changes. “We” begin to crave fame and power, to seek validation and love, to be offended more easily. All that is where the “Ego” trives, where it is strong enough and naturaly it takes the lead and we step back. What “Depression” really is … a cry! A cry for help coming from deep down inside us. A cry from ” the Self” going against the “Ego” .Its the best sign that change is needed – a change of rule.
Like a tyrant who tries to deprive from credibility those that speak against him, the collective “ego” tooks measures . If “depression” was a person, we are made to believe that he is to be despised forever. But imagine if that assumption was somehow “wrong”. Like really wrong and unfair from our side. What if that person really just wanted to show us the truth, shake us really hard in order for us to see it? When his voice is too loud to ignore, the Ego makes the perfect chess move – a step backwards, so that it can avoid rebellion. A rebellion that leads towards suicide or “awakening” of the Self. Both cases resulting in dethroning the Ego! It gives some amount of power back, enough that we make some changes. Change of partner or a job .. or a “belief” system/religion. The later are like parties in politics, they could number 1000 and yet are being sponsored by one guardian – the “Ego”. No mather who you would choose, its an illusion of choise .. the ruler its one and the same.
What does “confidence” actually mean? Have you ever tracked it back to its roots? Most of us, never bother. We inherit its understanding from our surroundings a.k.a Western Society. Its inprinted inside us since an early age and the “feel” about it seems extremely natural to us to ever doubt it. We question its meaning, with the same likeness that we ask ourselfs “Why do I have two hands and not three?”.
For most people, confidence equals “feeling good”. Nothing wrong with that. But when we crushed it to smaller pieces, it becomes “to have some kind of an advantage over the rest, to be better than them”. We want to be more – beautiful, successful, fit, smarter, to have the best swag and so on, it could be anything. Once we choose, the mather becomes the center of our life. Its the very first thing we want for other people to see in us and the thing that we are most secure to be judged on. Let say someone choose “beauty”. His subconscious starts to compare him to other people. There are always areas that he would “lack” compared to the rest. Hypothetically those are the ones that lower his overal ranking which translates into those are the ones that stops him from “feeling good”. The mind begins to view them as “flaws”, they became his ill places. He co-exist with them as “something that he has to live with” but never accepts, often feeling shame. Once we putt too much weight on our “flaws” we become self-critical. The next and bigger scale, letting it “outside” – we see our flaws/fears in other people and we begin to critic them as well. All of this is subconscious, we do it while not understanding the process and our motivation behind it. We accept the idea that this is us. The real person steps back so that the “image”, created by the mind, could take over.
How could we escape the illusion named “confidence” and avoid being trapped inside it. If you read this, you already did – the hardest part is to know that it exist. Now you would begin to spot it with an increasing rate. Fight it but not with anger. Give it time and dont be hard on yourself, that slows the process. In the meantime, I could offer you a new take about “being confident” – be confident because you exist. Its a simple anchor but the most real one. If you accept it and eliminated the endless race with others, inner peace would come naturaly.
How do you understand “logic”? The brain sends you the most likely course of action based on past experience and information around us. “Logic” draws water from our lifes and with time, as deep as it could be, that well could stale and lose it freshness. Once that happens, we become heavily biased against new experience. A common and dangerous deception for most people is that “Logic”= “the right way of action”. Once we accept that as a fact, everytime time the brain sends you something with the “logic” label on it, we take little or no notice. Decisions become an illusion, we stop choosing based on our likeness but instead obey an analytical tool that cant grasp the scale and dept of life. We receive “decisions” as a documents that “simply” need our signature and we give it, lacking any consciousness about the content. An answer could be backed by 95% of the data or 10%, it doesnt mather if it tops the list – its the most “logical” one. The Mind doesnt like the idea to be “wrong” and with its increasing influence, it begins to talk us out from entering uncharted territories. That limits our experience and puts frames on our existence. The well is tainted by fears.